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Simon Robben

Reason number 1: you’re not me.

I’m only joking (maybe), but after spending my entire high school career as a single guy, I know it’s not fun.

After I decided to give up on the whole thing, I at last struck gold. Then I began to wonder; what have I been doing wrong?

Just a quick foreword: “being ugly” is not on this list. Despite what you may think, looks really don’t matter that much.

1. Lack of confidence.

Whether or not you believe this, it’s true. Confidence is a huge factor in attracting a potential mate.

Purposely being the shy awkward person might (and that’s a big “might”) land you someone, but you have a much better chance of doing so if you’re upright, smooth, and able to make your presence known.

If you’re finding it difficult to be all confident, keep trying and hang in there. Your time will come.

2. Being too much yourself.

😂😂 #customcharacter #memes

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While it is important to be yourself, letting all of you hang out too soon can be a potential deal breaker.

Just to clarify, I’m not saying you shouldn’t be yourself around someone you’re interested in. Let them know you’re a gamer or that you like anime; just don’t tell them that you’ve had naughty dreams about some of the characters right away.

The trick is to not show them how weird you are until it’s too late for them to back out.

3. Poor stalking skills.

We’ve all looked through the social media profiles of our crush. Nothing to be ashamed of there, unless you suck at it and hit the “like” button on a post from 2 years ago.

If you’re gonna be a stalker, do it properly. Mistakes will be rewarded with the pain of failure and the vicious sting of rejection.

And we all know rejection is bad.

4. Inability to deal with criticism/rejection.

In my experience, people you’re interested in really enjoy turning you down and pointing out your flaws.

They might be nice about it, or they might go full primary school on you and be like: “Ew, no.” Either way, rejection will happen. To everyone.

This is an inescapable fact of life, and you must learn to deal with it. No one likes a crybaby.

5. Being a chronic complainer.

#thesunsucks #beavisandbutthead

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Yes, a significant other should be someone you can confide in, but that’s only once you’ve already got them in the bag.

If you’re still in the wooing stage, keep the complaining to a minimum.

Being a whiny crybaby about everything is a good way to hit anyone’s off switch.

6. Narcissism.

Spending more than 2 minutes staring at yourself in a mirror for no reason, attention wh*ring on social media, and constant self-complimenting all fall under this category.

This is more than just a turn-off, it makes potential love interests want to punch you dead in the face.

There’s a difference between confidence and arrogance.

7. Being extremely picky.

If your first thoughts when meeting someone are: “But he’s not tall enough,” or “Her boobs are too small,” or “He hasn’t got any muscle,” stop. Just stop.

You’re allowed to have standards, but if you turn away everyone who fails to meet even one of your impossible standards and, you WILL end up living with 20 cats in your adult life.

In the immortal words of Phil Dunphy:

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8. Being a general douche.

Guys, open doors for her; pull her chair out so she can sit down; give her your jacket when she’s cold; call her if she gives you her number; and compliment how she looks, dammit.

Girls, offer to split the bill after dinner; let him know what he’s doing wrong; and for the love of all things sacred, PUT THE DAMN PHONE AWAY!

Douchery is a bad thing. It makes me want to give all guilty parties a lobotomy with my foot in their…

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9. Poor wingmen.

Nothing hurts your chances of getting some more than a bad wingman.

A good wingman is vital. They’re there to help you and gauge whether or not someone is worth your time.

If you and a buddy are out on the hunt, the buddy needs to be Robin Scherbatsky, not Barney Stinson.

10. Being overly sensitive.

A partner is someone you want to be able to joke with. If you feel insulted by everything everyone says about you, that’s gonna hurt your chances of finding a romantic partner.

Now, don’t get me wrong, you can’t be dating someone who constantly insults you. If you meet someone you’re interested in, let them know you’re easily wounded and to take it easy on the roasting.

Keep in mind that some things need to be taken with a pinch of salt and left alone.

11. Cheesy pick-up lines.

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Using cheesy lines to get someone to come home with you is bad. Apparently…

I have no idea why, I mean, who wouldn’t like someone to tell them: “Hey, you know how the human body has 206 bones? Well, right now I have 207.”

Seriously, is that not the most romantic thing ever?

12. Bad communication skills.

You’re gonna need to learn when to talk and when to listen.

Keep your topics as intriguing as possible. Talk about things like: how professional gaming is a genuine profession; weird things that happened when you were younger; try to explain the storyline of the weirdest movie/series/game you’ve seen. Be creative.

Avoid politics and other depressing issues. Small talk is for the weak.