Growing pains suck!
Having to deal with the onset of aging is scary.
Besides getting the hang of surviving on your own as a millennial in this fast paced world, you have to prepare yourself for the future; and the hourglass reflects wrinkled skin, pension funds, exorbitant medical aid and mortgages.
Being ‘grown’ is complex. There are lessons to be learnt and losses and gains to be had.
There are some of us however that have ‘Benjamin Button’ syndrome; already wise and aged beyond our years.
Already sipping tea in a teacup and sleeping early; entirely confused at your peers who covet Project X parties.
We are here to help ‘diagnose’ you.
When you identify these signs you should know that you are actually an old person trapped in a young body:
1. Weekends are for paying bills, groceries and taking care of home chores; not drinking and partying.
2. Loud music gets on your nerves, slow 90s jams are now your thing.
3. You would rather sacrifice a R50 intended for a martini/beer and use it for petrol instead, mmmmhhh… YOLO has been flushed somewhere untraceable.
4. You are no longer in the mood for a group of friends. Alone time is now a big thing for you.
5. You consider talking on the phone better than texting.
6. Even the tiniest idea of travelling to your front door to get your mail exhausts the shi*t out of you
7. You no longer snooze the alarm, as soon as your alarm goes off you get up and start your day.
8. You always leave parties early, because bed time is a priority.
9. You would 100% spend a night cleaning your place over clubbing.
10. You worry about what you eat. Especially suspicious of food ingredients that are peculiar and difficult to pronounce.
11. Making 5 minutes noodles is the enemy. You prefer rusks.
12. Listening to news on the radio especially, is part of your daily routine.
13. The friends call you the ‘wise’ one because you the one that’s always disciplining them and taking care of them in clubs.
14. You don’t care about the latest trends anymore; over sized jeans and vintage tops are the big thing now.
15. You never leave the house without making sure that your allergy medicine is packed.
16. You have a set time for naps.
17. You’re suspicious of online banking and shopping
18. You’re idea of flirting is quoting a Frank Sinatra/Audrey Hepburn line.
19. You slip in the shower all the time.
20. You envy privileges given to older people. Like getting a seat on a full bus.
21. You are far more comforted by animals than you are by people.
22. When you run out of perfume, you use baby/talcum powder.
23. You know what Holy Moly’s are and you want them back.
24. You allow your rusk crumbs to sit at the bottom of your cup.
25. You aren’t totally disgusted by dentures.
26. You like black and white movies, as you believe good cinema is dead.
27. You dry out roses in between your favourite novels or you are comforted by potpourri.
28. Your greatest collection is your bookshelf.
29. You have a wooden tobacco pipe.
30. You love complaining.
31. You also like plastic flowers and doilies. So you place them everywhere.
