Flying has its pro’s and con’s.
When you don’t have a seat at the window to watch the clouds and take-off, you have no other option but to read those boring magazines provided by your airline, watch a couple of promo videos displayed on your flight or prepare for a forced snooze (don’t forget the tiny space that you have to fold yourself into).
I have new and fun ways to make your flight interesting however do not follow this list seriously. This is humour Y’all. H-U-M-O-U-R. It’s what I imagine I would like to do.
Imagine how much fun it will be if you purposely annoy people and try to pull a Leon Schuster on everyone.
A list of things I want to do on a plane, but wouldn’t:
1. Who stole my seat?!
Without any doubt, you know which seat you’re in. In any case that you might forget, it’s all over your boarding pass and your air hostess has already read it out loud to you.
But who cares? Just sit in any seat you desire for at least 5 minutes and watch as confused passengers become even more confused.
Tip: To make it even more interesting, when they ask you to move, pretend that you don’t understand the language.
2. Overload the overhead compartment with unnecessary baggage
Make sure that you run and push through people so that you are the first passenger on board. The fun part begins when you get on the plane.
Of course, everyone is going to come onto the plane with a few overhead items of baggage, but make sure that you put your baggage first so that you claim the space. When others arrive they will struggle to put their baggage as yours would have taken most of the space.
Or place plastic packets alongside each other within the compartment and refuse to allow anyone space to place their bags, as the plastic bags are ‘delicate’.
3. Be THE annoying passenger
There will always be that one passenger that keeps a straight face, puts his earphones on or reads a book. Target that one, start making friends with him, make small talk and ask him if he wouldn’t mind taking a few selfies with you. The perfect time to ask him these questions is when he puts his earphones on and tries to sleep.
4. Eat a lot of beans the night before
Fart all the way through the journey and pretend to not notice. Let that Methane out homies.
5. Sock game
After all that walking around the airport, rest your weary feet by removing them from your comfortable shoes and air out your socks while you wiggle your toes. Let that glorious smell invade the air.
6. I-don’t-eat-that person
You might not have any dietary requirements but no one knows about that. When they start serving their meal, tell them that you were specific when you booked, that you only have meals flown and prepared by an Italian chef.
Request for not starchy vegetables, and when they finally bring your vegetables, complain again and tell them that you were specific about it being organically grown vegetables. Ask for evidence of which farms grew those vegetables.
7. Take the lead
After you have annoyed all the cabin staff about your specific dietary requirements, don’t wait for them to come and collect your plates. Stand up and start collecting everyone’s plates.
8. Faux Sleepwalking
After you have eaten your meal and the little exercise of collecting dirty plates. I am sure now your body will be tired and all you would need would be a great nap. Perfect time to cause another scene, pretend like you are those sleepwalkers.
First, start with loud snores, pretend like you are talking in your sleep and to conclude everything with a bang- start moving around while sleeping and touch people’s hair in the cabin.
9. Act important
We all know that flights in most cases always delay. Even if it’s a 5 minutes delay, now it’s time you start being dramatic about it and tell all the cabin crew including the passengers about your important meeting that you have to attend, when you land.
Now due to the delay, it will cost you millions of Rands and your reputation. Yes, they have to know who you are and that you have paid a lot and you deserve the best service.
When you say this, pretend that you are not in economy and that you didn’t pay the same amount as everyone else.
10. Every story has it’s finale
The flight has reached its destination and everyone can’t wait to be out of your sight. Leave them with something to talk about, now remember your overloaded bag from the beginning of the flight?
Now it’s high time you take it off. All those passengers behind you will have to wait until you figure out a way to smoothly take your overhead bag out.