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A spank doesn’t necessarily have to be related to pain and punishment. 

It can be a very sensual, loving exchange between two partners. In fact, most people have considered doing it at one time or another.

If your partner has told you that they would like to incorporate spanking into your sexual relationship, there are some things worth considering while you decide whether or not this is something you’re comfortable with. 



1) This has likely been something that your partner has been fixated on, and fantasised about, for many years, possibly since young childhood. For many, it was their first sexual trigger. Your partner can no more stop being aroused by this than they can stop breathing.

2) Understand how difficult it likely was for your partner to bring this up. Because of the association with childhood punishments, this desire is something that many are either initially shamed by, or keep very private in order to prevent being judged or mocked.

3) It requires a great deal of trust to open up to another about such a deeply personal desire. It requires even more to place yourself in a position to be physically harmed. This display of trust should be recognised as the gift that it is, even if you do not share the desire.

4) This desire is part of your partner, and probably has been for longer than you’ve known him/her.

So how do I do it?

The best way to start is to put your partner over your knee. Sit on the bed, far enough back that when they are over your lap, they are also leaning on the bed. You don’t want them to be uncomfortable. Start with gently rubbing and caressing the bum.

Knead it with your hand, while your other hand gently strokes and caresses their neck and back. You want them to be as relaxed as possible. The more relaxed they are, the more they’ll enjoy it.

Then start to make gentle swats. Leave a bit of time between each stroke and use that time to carry on rubbing and caressing.

As you go on, make the swats a little bit harder each time and the time in between each one a little bit longer. Remember to check with your partner that they’re comfortable and happy with the pace.

From there on out, it’s up to you. The best way to decide how far to take it is communication beforehand. The more you speak about what you both want, the better it will be. Remember to start out slow. You can always pick up the pace at a later stage.