Introducing Caz Crown. A pen doodler, LGBTQI advocate, proud weirdo and South African millennial. She is outspoken, observant and authentic. More importantly, she is relatable:
There is so much more to life than finding someone who will want you or be sad over someone who doesn’t. There is a lot of valuable time to spend discovering yourself without hoping someone will fall in love with you along the way.
The most important thing you’re going to learn about life is…
Become a whole being on your own.
A lot of people despise the darkness, but it’s that space that can push you further than you’ve ever gone before. It can test your limits. There’s nothing more powerful than your mind. Now imagine being alone in a room with just your thoughts. I know it sounds scary, but it’s a pretty transformative experience.
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In order to learn and let loose, you have to go on adventures. Do interesting activities with friends, wander around the city, sit in a coffee shop on your own and read a book. Be a rebel, be sixteen again if you have to. Life is too short to act old and uptight.
Show off your creativity, and if you think you’re not creative then you’re a fool. Creativity comes in different forms. Express yourself. So write on a bathroom stall (don’t get caught), leave notes in library books, dress up for yourself, give to others, smile a lot. Just smile.
Do all things with love and care but don’t romanticize a relationship like you can’t survive without it. Romantic love is a bonus in all of this. You have to live for yourself and be happy on your own. It isn’t any less beautiful, I promise.
You may have loved the wrong person, put up with the wrong person, made love to the wrong person, wasted time with the wrong person, or even cried for the wrong person, but fear not. All the things you’ve done, the time spent; it wasn’t in vain. It all happened for a reason. You’re not alone, a lot of people can relate.
When things are finally over and you have time to reflect, you have to realise that you cannot force anyone to stick with you. People come and people go. It’s a way of life. When a person leaves, it just means that their part in your life story is over.
You have to know when it’s over.
You cannot keep trying to raise the dead. You cannot expect to cross a bridge that has been burnt. You have to pick yourself up, and even though it may seem like one of the hardest challenges you’re facing, it’s an obstacle that can be easily defeated with strength and conviction.
I guess we’re all waiting for a sign from a higher being, a sign that lets us know when to start living. We assume that in life we have to constantly jump over hurdles or give into failure. We don’t look at the journey with clear eyes. We judge the detour instead. Life is going to knock us down, it’s going to leave us battered and bruised. But it’s an obstacle that we have to take on with full force.
We have to balance it, we have to understand that giving up and death is damn easy. It’s living and happiness that’s difficult, but it’s not impossible. So get up, stand tall, put a smile on your face. Now, look at yourself in the mirror. You are better than the stereotypes society boxes you in.
Happiness starts within yourself. You’re going to realise that whether you’re alone or in a room with a hundred people, your happiness is still dependent on yourself. The sad reality is that someone may come into your life, they may end up being so nice to you and you may catch feelings for them.
They assure you that they are different. You end up believing and giving them your heart. You then start caring about them, loving them wholeheartedly, respecting them, and trusting them. You keep the communication alive, you adjust to many things. You quit some habits and some people because of them.
You rely on them and basically plan your future with them. You do whatever it takes to make them happy and feel loved but still, they don’t appreciate it, at all. Instead, they start accusing you, they stop caring and even reduce the love they had for you because of your flaws.
This sounds absolutely familiar, because it happens everywhere and to anyone. They send you mixed signals and eventually they end it with you and they leave you heartbroken. Then you wonder if they really meant it when they said that they loved you! You have self-doubt. You don’t feel good enough.
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You’re in a horrible situation and it’s not even your fault. I think some people don’t know what they want, so they don’t value what they have. They don’t mean what they say and that’s the harsh reality.
Not everyone wants a serious relationship leading to marriage. Seriously, some people are too used to faking it and playing games. Some people just want to know what you have beneath your clothes. But you should know your worth, you’re more than a play toy. You ultimately deserve more.
If you really want to know where you stand in someone’s life, try to leave them alone for some time. Don’t call or text them first and don’t ask to meet them first. If you really mean something to them, trust me they will put in all the effort to prove it.
If you are looking for someone to be with, always make sure that the person you’re looking for actually exists. A lot of people are looking for a person that hasn’t even been created.
Be realistic in your expectations. You’re never going to get a person who does it all.
| Follow Caz on Twitter: @cazcrown01 |
[The opinions expressed in this article are the author’s own and do not reflect the view of TYI, or Independent Media.]