Billie Eilish has revealed that she was “joyless” in 2019 and considered taking her own life at one point, after being overwhelmed by her sudden fame. 

The artist, who is nominated for several Grammy awards at this Monday’s ceremony, explained that she fell into a clinical depression after her old friends drifted away when she became an overnight success. 

“I was so unhappy last year,” she told Gayle King. “I was so unhappy and I was so like, joyless.”

“I genuinely didn’t think I would make it to 17,” she continued.

Asked whether she felt she was at risk of hurting herself, Eilish recalled an incident in Berlin. 

“I remember crying because I was thinking about how the way I was gonna die was [that] I was gonna do it,” she said. 

The interview then spoke with Eilish’s mother, Maggie Baird, who said the family took care to reduce Eilish’s gruelling tour schedule and helped her access therapy. 

Eilish also explained how she reaches out to fans when she notices self-harm scars on their arms. 

“I just grab them by the shoulders and I’m like, ‘Please take care of yourself and be good [and nice] to yourself,” she said. “Don’t take that extra step and hurt yourself further, [because] you can’t take it back.”

(c) Instagram

Eilish is up for Song of the Year, Record of the Year, Album of the Year and Best New Artist at the 2020 Grammys. 

Her debut album, When We Fall Asleep, Where Do We Go?, was one of the most successful releases of last year.