If you’re gonna be a keyboard warrior, you must sharpen your blade.

Far too many people are far too easily butt hurt by everything they see on the internet. Nowadays, you can’t even look at a woman without her telling you how offended she is. If she doesn’t blow the rape whistle first.

Because we can’t change the fact that people will be offended by just about everything, I will teach you how to combat these people properly. Just some basic rules that go a long way.

Knowledge is important, but grammar is importanter.

This is the most basic, most important rule for debating, not just on the internet, but in general.

If your grammar and spelling is anything less than absolutely flawless, you will: be brought down easily by a stronger opponent; or come off as being just as dumb as the person you’re arguing with.

Conversely, if your opponent is incapable of using language effectively, (proper spelling, grammar, incorrect use of words, etc), correct them. This is particularly useful if you find yourself losing the debate.

Always check your facts BEFOREHAND.

Don’t be a Donald; before you even start an argument, do your research.

If you don’t think something someone else is saying is correct, remember you, like them, could be wrong. No one is above a mistake, so be sure to make your argument airtight before going to war.

Also, it’s a good idea to ensure your sources are reliable. You can’t base an argument on something your high school friend’s cousin’s grandmother may or may not have seen. Check yourself before you wreck yourself.

Remain absolutely stoic.


Do not, under any circumstance, show any emotion while presenting your argument.

Emotions result in making irrelevant points and taking everything personally. Use only hard facts. No caps lock. Capital letters indicate anger, and anger will be your undoing.

This must especially be kept in mind when dealing with a female opponent. They can smell fear.

When in doubt, roast them into oblivion.

Whoever manages Wendy’s Twitter account is a perfect example of this.

If you’re not sure what to do next, tear them apart with your wit, and make it good. Anything less than total annihilation will not be tolerated, and will result in your opponent shrugging off your burn, and hitting you with something worse.

Just be sure to know your boundaries; wouldn’t wanna end up on some Facebook page’s collection of savage memes… would you?

And lastly:

If you lose, do so gracefully.

The only thing worse than a know-it-all is someone who can’t accept defeat.

You are meant to be bringing rationality into the pit of ravenous monsters that is the comments section, so if you’re being devoured, acknowledge your opponent’s victory and bow out.

This doesn’t mean you hang up the old keyboard. If anyone else slips up, step forward, layeth the smacketh down, win, and walk away in the manner of an employer.

Get it…?

Next time you see something on the internet you disagree with, I hope this guide will help you.

– Tyler Roodt

Categories: Education