We all have ‘friends’ we don’t like. The ones we didn’t choose. In all honesty, we don’t really know how they ended up in our group, but they are there now and it’s their birthday… again.
Having to buy a gift for someone you low-level loathe can feel like you have a monkey on your shoulder. If that’s the case, you’re looking at it the wrong way. It’s not a bad thing; it’s a fantastic opportunity. Let’s be real, it opens up the door to be honest about your feelings towards them.
The subtle key to this form of ‘gift giving’ lies in walking that fine line between being directly insulting and just being socially awkward. Either way, we can confidently say that you’re going to have to do something to officialise the friendship levels among your friendship circle.
When words are just not enough and you really need to get something off your chest it becomes necessary to take your animosity to the next level and give your bad blood ‘friend’ the ultimate present.
We share a few gifting ideas that would get the message across to your ‘frenemy’ without being too harsh.
Take your ‘frenemy’ for a night out in town and when the night has kicked in, convince them to get a tattoo. Firstly, offer to pay for this piece of art, and secondly, make them suffer, by secretly convincing them that the tattoo means something when it actually doesn’t.
Like they say, “For every good tattoo there are two bad ones.” While this might be cool for you, your friend will have instant regret once the tattoo has been permanently engraved onto their skin. A painful yet long lasting reminder of how unreasonably unpleasant they’ve been towards you.
Small Furry Pets
Some might think that getting a furry little pet is the sweetest gift that one can receive, until they get a hamster or a Yorkshire Terrier. A hamster is basically a rat without the tail, they have a very pungent smell to them and they are nocturnal creatures so it would be advised not to keep them in your bedroom due to the squeaky wheels and squeals they make.
Another option is a Yorkie, it is known for continuously barking when it’s not supposed to, not to mention that it also looks like Chewbacca. Imagine waking up in the middle of the night to see this creature staring at you, that’s what nightmares are made of.
The scale bastard is a hilariously insulting virtual scale. This is insulting enough for your ‘frenemy’ to get that you’re trying to say, “I think you’re a load of shizz”. The recipient will either never talk to you again, which is the ideal situation, or will be rolling on the floor with laughter when the scale not so kindly reminds you that you need to drop a few kilograms with the following anecdotes:
“Hey, One At A Time Please!”
“Two Words: Stop Eating!”
“Get Off Me You Fat Slob!”
For the friends you do like – all three of them. The ones lucky enough to be considered part of your inner-circle.
They are the ones worthy of a premium gift, something that can be shared with the best of friends. Treat them to a bottle of Monkey Shoulder in front of your least favourite friends and they are sure to catch the hint on who your favourites are.
-Adapted from press release