Palesa Sehloho shares her thoughts…
Relationships in the millennial era have become a pool of failure, or that is the popular opinion within the Millennial Singles scene. Although people in their early 20’s avoid getting into anything serious because of being completely career-focused, relationships are worth a try. People fall in and out of love, which is exactly what relationships have become, too frivolous! Sustain bonds by putting in time and effort.
There is nothing wrong with having standards in terms of what you’re looking for in a relationship.
Here are my observations thus far:
1. The “not so close friend” Dilemma:
Being too friendly with your partners (not so close) friends. This is the deal breaker with every relationship. Chilling and talking to your partners friends is all good, until someone catches feelings. Try to avoid chilling with your partners “not so close” friends, they might not know relationship boundaries or respect it.
Some Millennials enjoy short term relationships. Don’t entertain these advances if your intention is to maintain a long term relationship with their friend. There are many chance takers in life, identify them as fast as possible. They interfere in your relationship to see if you are truly into your person or not. Once the game is up, you’re going to have a mess on your hands.
Some folks however are genuine and extremely rare to find, identify these individuals carefully. Don’t get confused between a chancer and genuine friend otherwise you might jeopardize your relationship.
2. Social media status suicide
Social media is the epitome of relationship suicide. We all enjoy posting beautiful things about our partners, until a fight breaks out between the two of you and you start making it very public. It can be quite embarrassing to see this play out on your Facebook timeline weeks later.
Constant Relationship statuse updates act as a soap/RSS feed for your followers, with everyone being involved in your relationship after a while. Nothing hurts more than seeing your ex post nasty things about you after a break up, and reading all the comments made by their friends and a bunch of random people. Try to keep off the online space to preserve the sanctity of your relationship.
3. Relationship Overtalk
Discussing your relationship with “friends”. We all need that someone to discuss your relationship troubles with, and its really hard to identify who to trust. Never discuss your personal issues or sexual experiences with your friends. This is the Number one rule for all relationships. Talking about what happens in your circle of trust, takes the trust out of it. Trust is everything to your partner, so don’t discuss what happens behind closed doors.
Another reason to never discuss your relationship, is because of bad advice given by friends. Sometimes they embed a seed of doubt in your mind and you end up breaking it off, because you listened to a friend that has no relationship experience to even fall back on. A relationship is sacred, keep it that way.
4. Giving up way too easily.
Relationships should be about trying to make it better. It’s never perfect and neither is your partner or you. It’s about loving them and accepting their flaws, and allowing them to make mistakes from time to time and working through them together.
This all sounds easier said than done, that is true.
What happens when you just become tired of trying and you just want to move on because you have grown tired of their flaws and annoying habits?
You try first.
Allow yourself to get annoyed but at least give it a chance. If you move on to the next guy/girl you only have to deal with new problems, flaws and maybe even worse habits.
Talk to your partner and try to accommodate one another with regards to what gets you annoyed and mad as hell. There will always bigger issues to deal with, but always try to talk it out and compromise.
5. Going all the way, the first time around.
If a girl sleeps with a guy on their first date, they are seen as “sluts”, too easy and definitely not the type to keep for the long run. Which is a mentality that gnaws at me. Its incredibly unfair.
However, getting to know your potential partner first is truly vital to a long lasting relationship. Do not jump at the first chance you get to sleep with the crush you’ve pined over for months. Get to know them better,and once you start dating, don’t be afraid to hold out to see what they really want from the relationship. Its rather old school however its great to know your partner on every level. It also creates a greater intimacy in the long run.
Once you are ready and think he or she is the one, keep it safe homie, and always use a condom.
That’s my thoughts for today.
Stay tuned for more Relationship & Sex musings!